Law

8 Things You Should Not Do During a Divorce


Divorce can be emotionally tense and interwoven with various legal issues. It’s natural to be upset during this period. However, to be able to experience a happier life after divorce, you should do all you can to minimize the conflict between you and your spouse. Here are some of the things you should avoid during and after your divorce.

1 Don’t proceed without a reputable lawyer

You need a lawyer to help you review and explain every aspect of your divorce before you sign the dotted lines. Consulting a reputable family lawyer is essential when you have a large number of assets, lands,  houses, businesses and other complex financial issues. In a divorce case with serious conflict, your lawyer will have to represent you in court. You will also need your lawyer to help you handle all the important legal documentation.

2 Don’t overlook the monetary aspects of divorce

Whether you have highly valued assets or not, you must pay close attention to your finances during a divorce. Immediately you start thinking about filing for divorce, you need to set up a budget to cover the expenses. Duplicate all your legal records, financial documents, bank statements, trusts, insurance policies, title deeds and car documents. Store these documents away from home in a safe place where you spouse will not have access to them.

3 Don’t broadcast your divorce plans

When you are planning to quit your marriage, your emotions could get the better part of you. You may decide to tell others what you are passing through. However, you must be discreet about the people you discuss your divorce. Don’t go on social media and begin to vilify your partner, it will only make the issue worse. While you may need to inform some close friends, make sure you only tell those that can provide support and not those who will escalate the conflict.

4 Don’t start a relationship with a new partner

While you may need someone to cry on or provide emotional support, you should not let that be the reason to start another relationship. Put any new romantic relationship on hold for now. You could complicate your divorce proceedings or even get penalised in court for having another relationship while you are still legally married. Let all the dust raised by your divorce settle before you start a new relationship.

5 Don’t neglect the care of your kids

Never treat your children as a burden because of your divorce. Even if you are not the parent assigned to keep custody of them, you should still visit them and meet your parental obligations. You kids will eventually pay you back for what you’ve done for them. They will also remember the love you had for them and provide support and care for you in your old age.

6 Don’t refuse a mediation or negotiation

Divorce cases may be resolved in different ways. You may opt for litigation, mediation or negotiation. Instead of the costly process of litigation, you can decide to work things out through mediation. This will cost you lower legal fees because your lawyer will not have to represent you in court all the time. It is always better to patiently work out a divorce settlement than to end up with a full blown divorce suit. If this happens, you may not be able to do any negotiations and you will spend  a lot of money on legal fees.

7 Don’t stop communicating with your ex

Always communicate with your ex in a decent and respectful way. Don’t develop hatred towards your ex. If your ex calls you or sends a mail to you, respond just like you will do to any person you know. You need to do this especially when you have to discuss issues about your children. If your ex is responsible for the upkeep of your kids, you need to keep the communication lines open and appreciate your ex for performing his/her duties.

8 Don’t place the blame on your spouse

It is not fair to blame or embarrass your partner because you feel bad about your divorce. Just as you feel hurt because of your divorce, your spouse also feels hurt. Don’t act as if you are the sole victim of the divorce. Do your best to control your emotions, knowing that it takes two to build a relationship and two to ruin one.

Finally, make sure you do your best to forgive yourself and your partner for whatever hurt you experience during and after the divorce. A divorce is not the end of the world. So forgive and move on to a better and more fulfilling relationship.